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Handling Adolescents’ Emotions: Tips for Parents(中文)
Handling Adolescents’ Emotions: Tips for Parents
Various changes occur when children enter adolescence, affecting family dynamics. Many parents feel challenged with adaptation, leading to increased parent-child conflict and a worsened parent-child relationship. To facilitate effective communication and positive parent-child relationships, it is crucial for parents to understand the characteristics of adolescent emotional development and effective communication strategies.
| What Are Emotions? |
Adolescent Emotional Development |
- Emotions are innate
- Complicated emotions are developed from basic emotions
- Individuals may have different emotional responses and magnitude to the same event
- Emotions serve to protect/express individuals’ concerns
- An emotional experience will be created every time when one is experiencing emotions, and each experience can be altered
- Emotions are innate and do not require learning. Learning how to express emotions properly is key.
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- Emotions are mainly negative
- Emotional reaction is strong, direct, unstable
- The reason for mood swings is often unknown
- Tend to hide their emotions
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When adolescents experience emotional distress, active listening and accompaniment from their parents and peers canhelp stabilize their emotions.
| Do’s |
Don’t’s |
- Show Acceptance: e.g. “I understand that these courses are difficult for you and you feel worried about them. Is there anything I can do to help?”
- Show concern to their adolescents’ situation: Accompany them to do activities that they enjoy
- Respect adolescents’ space: Show that you are here to listen whenever they are in need
- Active Listening: Provide adolescents the opportunity to express their opinions
- Be a good model for adolescents, stay calm: Adolescents would feel calm as well
- Explore and appreciate the strengths of adolescents: so that they know that they are valuable
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- Stop adolescents in expressing their emotions: e.g. “Stop whining”, “Quit Worrying”, “Move on”
- Labeling their behaviours: When adolescents feel discouraged and reluctant to engage in daily activities, they are considered “useless” and “lazy”, or required to meet some unrealistic goals
- Keep asking adolescents: Constant inquiry into happened, leaving no space to process emotions
- Rushing to provide guidance and opinions: Telling them what they should have done, pointing out mistakes
- Feel overwhelmed: When adolescents are being emotional, your reactions are even more serious
- Excessive concern about their behaviour: Neglecting their feelings and emotions
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Tips for Parents
| Adolescent |
Self |
Seek Help |
| Respect their uniqueness, being sure to care about both their physical and psychological development. Adolescents can then feel your love, understanding and support, establishing a good foundation for psychological development. |
The emotional well-being of adolescents and their parents are closely related. |
If emotional problems of adolescents worsen, seek medical and psychological assistance. Professionals can help you through the process. You don’t have to fight the battle alone. |
面對子女情緒，家長錦囊
面對子女步入青少年時期的各種改變，家庭互動也會因此而改變，很多家長感到難以適應，這往往是導致親子衝突增加及家庭和諧受損的關鍵。認識青少年情緒發展及特徵，對於跟青少年子女溝通是十分重要。
| 何為情緒？ |
青少年情緒發展特徵 |
- 情緒是天生的
- 複雜的情緒原自我們基本情緒
- 每個人於同樣事件均有不同的情緒反應及程度
- 情緒是用來保護我們/表達我們的需要
- 每次經驗都會製造一個情緒經驗，情緒經驗是可以改變的
- 情緒是不用學習的，但我們可以學習如何表達
|
- 以負面情緒為主
- 情緒反應強烈、直接、不穩定
- 情緒波動的原因不明
- 開始會隱藏自己的情緒狀態
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情緒困擾的人，最希望得到別人的聆聽、陪伴。不需擔心他愈講愈灰暗，您的聆聽和陪伴能穩定他的情緒。
| 該做 |
不該做 |
- 向子女表達接納，讓子女感到您是與他同行：例如「我聽到你感到這些科目很難，好擔心，不知怎樣做！我有甚麽可幫你呢？」
- 接納他的狀態和表現下降：當子女心情低落時，表達您接受他，並陪伴他做一些他喜歡的活動
- 尊重他的空間：子女感到煩惱時，可能需要的是時間。可以告訴他知道他的心情，若他需要傾訴，您願意聆聽，以表示您的支持
- 積極聆聽：先不要批判，鼓勵子女多講自己的看法
- 以身作則，冷靜從容：不要因為子女情緒而容易動怒，子女也會因您的冷靜而鎮定下來
- 多發掘和肯定子女的長處：讓他覺得自己有價值
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- 阻止子女表達負面情緒： 例如「不應抱怨」、「擔心是無用的」、「做人要向前看」等
- 標籤他們的行為：當子女心情不皆，表現退縮時，立刻標籤他的行為是懶惰和無用，或要求他達到一些表現
- 不斷追問子女：在他煩燥及不安時仍不停詢問他發生什麼事，不給予空間讓他們處理
- 急於給予意見和教導：以您的角度表述什麼時候他們應該怎樣做，指出他們處理不當的地方
- 方寸大亂，情緒失控：讓子女擔心您處理不了;在子女有情緒時，您的反應比他更激動。
- 太過專注於處理子女的行為問題：急於改進他的行為，指導他應該如何處理; 忽略他的感受
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對家長小提示
| 子女 |
自己 |
求助 |
| 每個人均是獨特的，家長應尊重子女們的獨特性，讓他感受到您的愛及支持，這是子女心理健康的基石。 |
父母的情緒對子女有密切相連，如果感到自己情緒不穩及欠皆，亦及早正視求助。 |
如果感到子女及自己的情緒問題日漸嚴重，可能需要尋找專業人仕 (社工/輔導員/心理治療) 協助，不要孤軍作戰。 |
資料來源：Chinese Family Services of Ontario 家和專業輔導中心
